I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
