I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
