Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
In America we eat man semen.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
