No stitches, just platelets and will power
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
