Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
