True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just pee around me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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