NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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