He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
