Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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