Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
