Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Bring me that man meat
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
