Sacagawea was the original milf.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
