I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
