Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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