Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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