PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
