I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
