After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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