tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
