There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
