Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
