How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
