At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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