I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
