i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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