Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
