I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
