She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
