Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Be still, my beating vagina.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
