haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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