why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
