I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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