i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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