I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
