Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
