I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
