i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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