I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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