We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
