i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
