and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
