hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
