I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
