It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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