this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
