You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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