at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You're my little dorito
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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