I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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