I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
