I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
