I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
