you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
we're so committed to being not committed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
